oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
