I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He passed out mid-signature
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
