Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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