i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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