The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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