i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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