So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I don't deserve a penis
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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