The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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