before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Damn victory sex feels great
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize