We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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