Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I think I died a long time ago.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
