The police scanner is talking about you again....
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
All I want is dick and wine.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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