he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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