sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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