im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
