no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
