Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
