I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
