Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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