I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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