It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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