Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
