Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
