I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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