I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
