I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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