My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
