Kiss
Puke
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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