Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
