Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
