new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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