Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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