are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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