I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
