I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
