You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
