I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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