Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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