Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
