you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize