I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
