He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
