You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
