He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
