dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
