the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
