I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
