I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
