At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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