I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
