I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
