Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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