All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just gift wrapped bread.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
