I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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