I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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