i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
