Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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