In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
