Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
