when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
