I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
