bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
