i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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