My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
