Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize