We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
