Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
