420 ftw
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
