I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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