I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I need to calm my uterus...
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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