I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
