Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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