Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
