btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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