from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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