So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
