If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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