I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
