Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
