okay pat passed out under dana's car
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
