thus making me awesome and them whores
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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