I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
