it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
